Quite a number of women dress to impress other women – so they’ll pass the brutal, look-you-up-and-down appraisal routine practised by all judgemental ladies. “But I am not interested in what other women think”, said forty-something and funky Ethel.
A full-time housewife – sorry, `homemaker!’ She is married to a well-heeled businessman. She believes that: “Men are the barometer by which my attractiveness to my husband can be measured, ensuring I never take his interest in me for granted. It’s easy, after years of marriage, to assume your husband will fancy you no matter how you look. And at the end of a busy day, with three children to take care of, it can take a lot of effort to make the effort!”
Ethel and her husband met and got married abroad but as soon as they arrived on the shores of this country with their first two children, Dare stopped his wife from seeking paid employment. “He’d also prevented me from breast-feeding the kids when they were infants so my boobs wouldn’t droop”.
“Bad habits easily set in when you settle to marital bliss”, Ethel continues. “Not bothering with make-up when you both go to the supermarket (who’s going to notice your bland complexion at a crowded market?) or wearing your non-flattery glassed to pop round to friends next door.
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“I see married women all the time in their ugly shoes or with their badly concealed baby weight, tagging alongside an uninterested husband. These women are inviting their men to stray. For as reprehensible as it is for any man to cheat, a woman who no longer values her own sexiness is compounding any potential weakness on her husband’s part.
“The way to keep your husband interested is to make him insecure – show him that other men are interested in you, so he’d better value what he’s got. I realise that my view is not such a popular one. A few days ago, I went for a drink with a friend at her club I was on tight-fitting jeans, full make-up, and high heels. Her own idea of dressing casually was to take off her jacket. I explained my theory only for her to snarl: `If my husband’s seen me give birth, he can cope with me in an old top and skirt.’ But that’s precisely the point. Your spouse remembers only too well watching his beautiful bride transformed into an enormous, foul-mouthed shrew on the delivery table. He knows how you look in the morning with last night’s make-up and sliding down your face and your hair matted like a badly used mop.
If that’s all you ever show him, it’s simply inevitable that he’ll take you for granted. Sure, he may love you – but when you stop showing him your desirable side, his attraction to you will become as tired and routine as last night’s pot of stew.
That’s why you need to remind him that other men find you sexy – otherwise, you dent his delicate male ego by suggesting he’s not worth scrubbing up for. Remember, if he married you, he must have fancied you (once). As a hard-working mother of three and a palatial home, battling encroaching age and fatigue, I would describe my looks – without the help from my loads of lotions and potions – as utterly ordinary. But that just makes me work harder.
“Dare is a bit bemused by my theory. But a few weeks ago, I was making the most of a clingy dress I’d just had made, fretting over which killer heels to team it with before we went to a friend’s informal birthday bash. `Does it really matter what designer shoes you wear?’ he snorted. `Who really cares apart from me?’
At the party, when one of his friends told me I looked `rather hot’ he bristled and threw a protective arm around my shoulder! I simply gloated. Trust me, nothing is more guaranteed to drag your man away from checking football scores at a party and place him firmly back by your side than the appreciative glance of a lusty competitor. And the greater the status of the man who notices you, the greater the impact on your other half. It will reinforce his pride in the fact that you are his.
“It works the other way too as nothing re-ignites my interest in my husband more than the flutter of another woman’s eyelashes in his direction. I buy him beautiful clothes for his birthday, even though they might attract the sort of female attention that I know raises my hackles. It is all part of keeping the spark alive. Does it get me into trouble? Occasionally, yes. There will always be a man for whom a reasonably-presented woman will seem fair game. This is why turning heads has to be done with a restrained hand. Men are suckers for smoke signals! If you’re heavy-handed with the hair-flicking, pouting, and skirt-hitching, they automatically assume this is a cue for them to hint at a motel around the corner. When I sense there is any danger of that, I can’t get back to my lovely hubby fast enough.
Basically, I still fancy my husband and want to do everything I can to ensure he still fancies me too. But even if he put a ring on my finger, it doesn’t hurt to keep him on his toes too.
In the absence of Nookie? (Humour)
A country lad applied for a sales man’s job at a city department store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world – you could get anything there. The boss asked him: “Have you ever been a salesman before?” “Yes, I was a salesman in the country”, said the lad. The boss liked the cut of his confidence and said, “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come and see you when we close up”.
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally, 5 o’clock came round. The boss duly fronted up and asked, “How many sales did you make today?”
“One:” said the young salesman. “Only one?” blurted the boss, “most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?” “Three hundred thousand dollars”, said the young man. “How did you manage that!?”, asked the flabbergasted boss. “Well”, said the salesman, “This, a man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook, and finally a huge hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines.
“Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser. The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “you sold all that to a guy who came in for fishhook?” “No”, answered the salesman. “He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him”, “your weekend’s short, you may as well go fishing”
How thick can you get? (Humour)
A handsome but naïve boy was discovered by the police walking around town with just his shoes on. ‘Hey Johnnie, how come you’re walking around naked”, they asked.
“Well, it’s like this”: replied the boy. “I was on the riverbank fishing when Mandy came along. sat down and started kissing me. Then she took all her clothes off and told me to do the same. So I did. I took all my clothes off except my shoes. Then she opened her legs and said: `Go on Johnnie, go to town”, so here I am”.
Vanguard News Nigeria
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